"I was just giggling over these and my friend was all, 'What's so funny?' And I told her she might not understand, and she said, 'I'm not that dense!' So I sighed and mentioned the Blackacre and 12(b)(6) examples, and then she shut the hell up." -a comment found on Facebook while I was digging for material
This is a list I compiled from various lists around the internet. I wasn't in law school when I started this (I am now), but my wife was, and with her to explain things to me the material didn't completely fly over my head. I'm mainly posting this because she liked it so much, and I thought deserved a more permanent home than Facebook groups and the like. Consider yourself warned if you're not a law student or related to one. Feel free to send me stuff to add! Updates are at the top.
You wake up in the middle of the night talking to yourself about personal jurisdiction.
You cannot stop reviewing the elements of torts long enough to have a meaningful conversation without one of them somehow coming into it.
You contemplate the subtle differences between contract interpretation and construction during commercials.
You reviewed your lease after the first semester of property law in order to determine whether your landlord covered the four underlying principles of modern tenancy law and if not made a plan to discuss with them why they ARE in fact responsible for maintenance, repairs etc within the unit.... among a list of other things.
You use phrases like "including but not limited to", "according to the aforementioned" anything, "incorporated by reference herein", in daily conversations and informal documents... and/or Latin becomes your second language of choice!
The word "PUFF" comes to mind when an ad claims this product is the "best on the market" and "lowest price guaranteed".
Your girlfriend comes at you with a can opener, you wonder quietly to yourself, "Could that be considered a deadly weapon?"
Every time someone mentions something even vaguely related to an accident you are wondering if there was a duty of care, if it was breached and if there was causation.
You only communicate with people outside of law school via Facebook and email.
You're so busy and poor that you go to the Halloween party as a law student or even an attorney.
You buy a pack of highlighters every two weeks or so.
12-pack in your vocabulary means highlighters and not beer. "Honey, go get me a 12 pack. My highlighters ran out again."
You prepare a paper for 10 hours that was not graded only because you are scared of your writing teacher eating you alive in conferences.
You go out to have a good time and somehow the ONE surgeon in the bar finds you to bitch about negligence... and you argue with him for the rest of the night.
You suddenly realize at the end of a 10 page assignment that you missed an issue, and that this issue changes the entire assignment, and you've got an hour to finish it.
You feel that bathing and briefing consecutively is a valuable method of time management.
You respond "On the one hand . . . but on the other hand" when someone asks you what time it is (a/k/a "terminal ambiguity").
You have highlighter on your pillow.
You want to introduce your stream of commerce to fine looking ladies.
You are sitting in Contracts thinking that Med School sounds pretty good about now.
You resemble a pack mule coming to school with your huge backpack full of books, another bag with your computer/notebooks/binders, another bag with food, and a garment bag with clothes for work/court/interviews.
You have more highlighters than pens.
You're already applying for summer jobs for 2010. [Posted in Sept. '09 -ed.]
Your Con Law professor knows the Constitution so well because he helped draft it.
You know the difference between a mistake and an accident.
You know possession is not the same thing as ownership.
When your teachers and classmates say the word "fair", they do it with a scathing look, mocking voice and finger quotes.
You preface every sentence with the word "alleged".
Your nephew asks you to tell him a story, and you start with "Once upon a time there was a man named O, and he owned Blackacre."
You sell back a textbook just to pay your rent.
You have mastered the art of hearing and writing, but not listening and understanding.
You unconsciously want people to write everything down, and write their name under it... just so you have proof, just because there may be a slight chance of a dispute in the future... you never know!
When a guy jumps in front of the door and cries "NO!, don't leave!", you wonder if he knows that he's committed an act of kidnapping against you.
You spend over $1,000 in the bookstore.
You have mind maps of your notes taped to the outside of your shower so none of your study time is wasted.
Someone shows you Tolstoy's War and Peace and Dante's Divine Comedy you know you're able to read them in 3 hours and revise in 2.
You ask a lot of seemingly useless questions during conversations with your non-lawyer friends and relatives (that irritate them) but which you think are perfectly logical and appropriate.
Without realizing, you bring up something to do with law (or law school) in almost every conversation you have. Even when you crack jokes (and in light of this, no one gets your jokes).
Your books weigh almost half as much as you do because a) theyre heavy, and b) you don't have time or any effort to care about food.
You or someone you know has tattoos involving or depicting cases. [One of my friends has one of a snail darter, complete with citation.]
Your family wishes they didn't know you right before the end of the semester.
You can name 20 or more Federal Rules of CivPro.
You go around telling everyone you've ever remotely defamed that they're considered a public figure so that they'll have to prove actual malice when they sue.
You make oral contracts left and right just to see if anyone will argue promissory estoppel.
You always talk about the Carbollic case.
One of your friends says, "This does not affect my statutory rights... what the fuck does that mean?" and even though you know its a rhetorical question, you tell them.
Westlaw is the only website you visit anywhere near as frequently as Facebook.
You wished you had taken the easy way out and done a degree that would have involved being able to have fun at least 1% of the time.
You're sitting in Evidence and you can't help but wonder why we have a hearsay rule where there are so many exceptions that it seems that the rule should actually be the exception!
You hope they will legalize prostitution so you have another career option.
You mistake "nonchalant" for "negligent" and try to figure out the evidential burdens required to prove or disprove what could be categorized as "necessary precision."
You note when your Statute book is out of date whenever you find a newer Statute or amendment that would be relevant.
You plan the "perfect crime" as soon as you think you have a loophole around an offense.
You attempt to interpret all criticism, disagreement, threats and name calling as harassment, assault, slander or some other offense.
When you're home on vacation and your parents try to order you to do something you argue they no longer have personal jurisdiction over you because you're no longer a permanent resident.
You yell "objection!" in the middle of class and the professor responds, "overruled!"
You think the difference between 'may', 'must' and 'shall is actually important.
The shortest sentence you've ever written is more than 80 words long.
You say things like "I wish you, but in no way guarantee, a merry Christmas."
You choose drinks according to how transparent the bottle is, just in case.
When telling someone your e-mail contains a pleasant surprise, you feel compelled to follow it with "...there is no promise nor unilateral obligation nor gratuitous obligation nor guarantee of any pleasant surprise, and reading the mail does not constitute acceptance of any offer of surprise, whether pleasant or otherwise. Your statutory rights are not affected."
You might be in law school if you grant your mate an express easement in gross to yourself to represent your level of commitment instead of just giving them a key to your place. [Your mate is also in law school if he/she understands it, laughs and asks "Can I have that in writing?"]
When you forget your lunch, you assist the mini lunch conference, without knowing what it's about, just to get the free sandwiches they give out.
You're not smart enough to get into med school; you're too proud to do blue collar work and you have no talent or will to try anything else in life. [And you especially know you're in law school if you were offended by what I just wrote.]
You get fined for inadvertently exceeding the speed limit, and you instantly wonder if you can claim it was a 'mistake of fact' or an 'unwilled act'.
Your friend asks you if you can mind his musical equipment for a few days, and you agree, on condition that you are not responsible for any loss or damage that may occur to it, howsoever caused.
You tell your boss that he can't make you work longer than your defined hours without your consent, because it would be a unilateral variation of your employment contract.
You invite your lady over for a night of horizontal restraints.
You know that "horizontal privity" does not mean anything pornographic
You've always wondered what widgets look like.
You count how many causes of action you have because your 6-year-old neighbor took the aluminum cans from your recycle bin.
You vacantly look at someone who asks you to explain why their threatening a policeman with physical violence is not covered as free speech under the first amendment, but know that any answer that you give will go 500000 feet over their heads.
You judge your level of intoxication by your ability to legally transact real property.
You no longer think about how much property costs, but instead how long it would take to adversely possess it.
You look back on your brilliant college career and wish you'd been a lot dumber. Then you wouldn't be in this mess.
You don't even lie anymore when friends/parents/strangers on the street ask how law school is going. You just smile and say, "It blows. It's pretty much the worst thing on earth. Thanks for asking."
When people ask you if they should go to law school, you tell them, "Hell no, go to med school," and it's not just because you want less competition for a job, but because you think you are doing them a favor by keeping them away from the hell on Earth that is law school.
You are thankful that they allow as many people in as they do the first year to fill in the bottom half of the class so you don't have to.
Your family and friends are wondering when their birthday/Christmas presents will stop saying "____ school of law" on them.
You spent the previous 4 - 7 years building up your credit rating just to watch student loans obliterate it in 3 years.
If every fantasy you come up with involves dropping out of law school. Examples:
A buys a lottery ticket. In his excitement he says to B: "If I win the lottery, I could drop out of law school and move to France."
A falls down the stairs. He thinks, "If I had fallen harder, I might have broken my neck and been able to drop out of law school."
You've ever laughed and hated yourself in some small way when someone said "talk to the Learned Hand."
All the girls are ugly except for 3 of them and you come up with names like "law goggles" to justify hooking up with them to your friends at home.
You understand that second year is only easier because during the first year you came to realize you would have no life!
The existence of your social life is now a genuine issue of material fact.
You spend the same number of hours at school on the weekend as any other day of the week.
When on a drunken night out you wonder if there are the remains of a snail in your friend's opaque beer bottle and then have a 20 minute conversation about how cool it would be to be Stevenson and practically establish the law of negligence.
You are impressed when your Microsoft Word says you've misspelled direct words from a US Supreme Court decision and you realize that the Supreme Court can actually invent words like some sort of nerdy superpower.
You roll your eyes at people who complain they have a whole textbook to read that semester.
Everything you write comes out in fine print regardless of what font you use.
Someone comes to class on Halloween with a hairy hand, claiming he's Hawkins.
You use any law related terms in games you play with mates... for example my friend quoted the trade practices act while playing taboo.
You recognize that none of this would have been nearly this hilarious just last summer.
You know that a memo has absolutely nothing to do with putting cover letters on TPS reports.
A call from your mother is actually a welcome break!
You spend more than one valuable day of studying trying to get a definitive answer to a minor legal question that may not even appear on your exam.
You know that looking for a "validating life" has absolutely nothing to do with soul searching and personal fulfillment.
You consider making Photo Copies a "much needed" Study Break.
You can cite one or more federal laws by code number off the top of your head (Insanity defense reform act of 1984, 18 USC 4241).
You might be a present or future law student if you somehow enter into a long discussion of adverse possession when you're writing a paper about Locke and property rights.
You cant remember the last time you ate, and you don't really care when that was anymore!
You get boxes of highlighters, notecards, or printer ink cartridges for Christmas.
The words "dispositive" (which BTW word does not recognize) and "preclude" become a part of your daily vocabulary.
When you realize that when your lecturer kept saying "an-es-tate-in-fee-sim-ple-abso-lute-in-po-sses-sion" he wasn't just making incomprehensible random sounds... but you really wish he had been.
The humanitarian in you has seriously considered standing outside of the LSAT testing site urging test-takers to turn back before its too late.
You know you're a FUTURE law student if you read this list smiling and nodding your head. You know you're an ACTUAL law student if you read this list shaking your head in disgust at the truthfulness of it.
You cringe every time you heard the words "justification" and "excuse" used interchangeably.
The prospect of mooting, client interviewing and negotiation competitions excite you because it's a legitimate reason to get out of class.
You write "I repeal this exam with the memo that is to be proclaimed on a future date" at the end of your paper.
When you apply the rules of statutory interpretation to everything you read - for instance...
"I shall weed and water the garden and flowers" - meaning that you'll weed the garden, water the flowers and defy the fundamental principles of law if you dare water the garden.
or
"He had a gun, a knife and a water bottle" - and suddenly the once innocent water bottle becomes a weapon capable of grievous bodily harm.
You've ever finished an argument the night after a con law exam by screaming "rational basis". At which point your girlfriend was able to confirm that your level of intoxication was well above the legal limit.
You realize you are physically incapable of leaving a legal inaccuracy in conversation uncorrected, and without even meaning to you begin a badly worded explanation with the words "you know, interestingly enough it's not actually that simple..."
A friendly conversation involves pointing out the answer to a hypothetical in the Understanding _______ book.
You might be in law school when people you know try to use law related terms against you. When playing Monopoly with my husband, he told me that he was going to adversely possess a property that he needed. I told him he could have every one of my properties if he could give me one element of adverse possession... it didn't happen....
You stopped drinking coffee and switched to caffeine pills.
Your week seems like a day, not because it goes by fast, but because now you get only 8 hours of sleep a week.
You realize that talk is cheap unless you are a lawyer.
You have dreams about "minimum contact" with your civ pro professor.
You would rather read 100 pages of criminal law, than 10 pages of civ pro gibberish.
Someone gives you a gift and you wonder if it meets all the elements of a inter vivos gift.
You are arguing with your girlfriend and you estop her from making the "I have a headache argument" since you detrimentally relied on her promise earlier in the day that "tonight we're gonna have some fun."
The day you learned the keyboard shortcut for " § " remains a bright day in your memory.
Deciding to study in a different part of your apartment or the law school building constitutes a change of scenery.
Going anywhere at all besides school or home actually makes you a little giddy inside; to the extent that when riding the subway and NOT getting off at school you actually have to restrain yourself from clapping or bouncing in excitement.
You have nightmares about Scalia, and all your friends can sympathize.
While text messaging, you check and re- check for formatting and then a double check on the message being conveyed.
Walking to the library toilets is the most exercise you've had in days.
You plan to celebrate the end of finals by drinking yourself into a coma.
You want to buy Blackacre for the mere pleasure of burning it to the ground and salting its ashes so nothing else grows up it again. Perhaps it used to be Whiteacre and legions of law students have done just that.
You are truly amazed when Dragon Naturally Speaking (DNS) correctly spells some arcane name from a case that you cannot even correctly pronounce, and then you wonder what dweeb sat around mispronouncing that name into DNS, and do you have an actionable cause for the programming error even though you have no damages?
You spend all day reading "You may be in Law School if..." statements and laughing... then crying.
You check the long term effects from prolonged exposure to highlighter fumes. And further wonder about the product's liability.
When asked if you'd jump off a bridge if all the other law students were doing it, the first words out of your mouth are "It depends..." followed by a list of the factors you would consider.
You have wished that your property (or any) flash cards were waterproof so you could study them in the shower.
You start using wankerish phrases like "words to the effect of" and "it depends on whether it would be considered reasonable to do so" when discussing your weekend with friends.
You know it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye... then it's a torts case.
You see a completely normal object such as a wine bottle or yacht, and you think of a relevant court case.
You find yourself laughing over something in a torts textbook.
You are confident you could bluff your way through a conversation in Latin.
You wake up in the middle of the night because you remember something you need to put in your outline/memo/brief.
Your 3 major food groups are coffee, free leftovers from the most recent CSO seminar, and alcohol.
You're under 25 and have begun to consider using anti-aging skin care products.
You're earning more for selling your 700+ pages of notes to classmates 3 weeks before the finals than you EVER did at a 9-to-5 job.
You promise yourself you'll do all your work during the semester, but wait until 2 weeks before the exam when you get a set of notes off a friend and learn the entire course just in time.
The phrase "F my Life" has become your personal motto.
You walk into a new flat and begin to devise issues that could used in a tenancy tribunal in so you are awarded 4 weeks of rent... E.g. the landlord came by without 48hours notice to see if you have settled in all right and whether or not you need help, or you claim the sweet ass stuff left from a past tenant has caused you inconvenience, duress and required moving the items in order to live in the flat to the reasonable standard expected, even though you use them on a regular basis.
You are upset about the fact that you can't take summer courses.
You change your afternoon workout at the gym to 7am so that you can take a nap from 3-5pm.
You actually feel guilty for not working your butt off during spring break.
You know how to say nothing in 25 words or more.
You carry entire conversations with the person next to you completely by messenger, without ever even talking.
You think that whoever invented the rules of future interests should be "subject to" a curb stomping.
You watch the movie My Cousin Vinny on a daily basis and are extremely tempted to use his opening statement of "Everything that guy just said was bullshit, Thank you" in your first trial.
You watch the movie The Paper Chase and at the end you think, "so what if he got an A in Contracts, he must have flunked Torts, Con Law, Property and Civil Procedure."
You fool yourself into thinking that you'll do well at multiple choice, because the answer's in there somewhere and even though you didn't really study, you're bound to recognize the answer because you went to all the classes.
You wear shirts that say "way out of your jurisdiction" or underwear that say "law school briefs" on them.
You've created so many dirty acronyms for elements that all you imagine is an orgy when writing outlines.
When your Con Law professor asks if anyone has any questions, you stare blankly because you are so lost, you aren't even capable of forming a question.
You know all sorts of sneaky and creative ways to steal from clients thanks to your Professionalism and Ethics class.
You consider dropping out of law school approximately every hour, but after that first semester you realized you were already in too much debt to be anything other than a lawyer.
You aspire to one day own Blackacre.
Substance abuse becomes you.
The drama in your life now rivals that of high school.
You make adverse possession jokes.
You can name without hesitation at least three people who make you want to throw things when you see them raise their hands in class.
You think IRAC and CREAC are just code for saying the same thing over and over.
You are truly and deeply unnerved by the thought of some of your classmates becoming attorneys.
You think tequila shots are essential to ordered liberty.
You wonder if that one professor who always seems angry and irritable and treats students’ minds as his personal playground is actually a sociopath or just didn’t get enough hugs as a child.
Sometimes during disagreements you are tempted to 12(b)(6) the offending friend or family member.
You know and understand the complicated epistemological and metaphysical differences between a conspirator and an accomplice.
You know and understand the complicated epistemological and metaphysical differences between coffee and red bull.
You can’t remember if you decided to come to law school because you wanted to help people and make a difference in the world or because you hate yourself.
You think whoever first introduced the Socratic method into the law school curriculum should have his face lit on fire and then beaten out with a rake.
You can’t think of any legitimate reason why a law student would need access to certain public records, but you can think of a whole lot of illegitimate ones.
After the first semester you realized that "briefing a case" need only consist of looking it up on Lexis or Westlaw.
After the second semester, you realized that "briefing a case" need only consist of looking it up on Wikipedia.
You’ve given yourself carpal tunnel from all the spider solitaire you play in class.
When someone is expressing their frustration or anger about something that is in any way related to the law, you can’t be sympathetic because you’re too busy figuring out in your head if they have a cause of action.
You hear about the death of an elderly friend or relative and wonder if they died intestate.
You have considered changing career paths to hot dog vendor, stilt walker, or career alcoholic.
You're pretty sure the reasonable prudent man is a friendless tool who still lives with his mother.
You start using insults like the following... (only the first was actually used in a casual conversation)
You're so retarded they can't even execute you.
You're so childish they can't even execute you.
Your mother's so fat she holds a joint tenancy by herself.
Your mother's so fat her manufacturer was strictly liable for not making her beep when backing up.
Your so old Rehnquist took you to his junior prom...and you were a senior.
Your mother's so old, Scalia cites to her.
Your mother's so old, she can't be the measuring life.
Your mother's so old, insurance companies value her life estate at 5 cents.
Your mother's so fat she's always in diversity jurisdiction.
Your mother's so fat Prosser and Keaton have a section on her...Massachussetts has a doctrine about her.
Your mother's so fat Congress reorganized her under the Department of Homeland Security Act.
Your mother's so fat, the neighbor's need an easement to go around her.
Fed. R. Civ. P. 19(e): Mandatory Joinders. Your mom.
You're so fat, Posner has 10 volumes describing you as an economic waste.
You're so stupid you have your own reasonable person standard.
You're so ugly, you're ALWAYS dismissed with prejudice.
You're so ugly, it's unconscionable.
You're so ugly, Judge Friendly has defined you.
You're so ugly, even Wigmore won't consider you.
When others look at you, it violates the 8th Amendment. When you look at yourself, it violates the 5th.
You're so ugly, it's against the Geneva Conventions to post your picture.
Not guilty by reason of YOU.
You're so abnormal I could patent you. Actually, Michael Jackson is infringing.
The most stringent protection of free speech would not protect a man in truthfully shouting your name in a theatre and causing a panic.
You're so ugly, you could use a hairy hand.
You're so ugly, even Podar won't kill you.
You're so bitter and spiteful, you prosecute Rule 11 claims.
You're so childish, you still titer when you say "subpoena."
You're so pathetic, you get your blind dates from Rule 45.
You're so immersed in law school, you turned down a date because of "lack of jurisdiction over the person..." but then you went on the date because you realized that yesterday' you said that dinner and a movie was an improper venue... but you got out of the date later that evening, even though you were already at the other person's place and the date was over, when you decided you were gay (thereby destroying subject matter jurisdiction... ok, it was a stretch...)
You're so protective of your stuff, you have a template file for a trespass to chattels claim.
You're so fat, when your con law study group asked you if you admired Frankfurter or Burger more, you quipped "whichever comes with fries and a drink!"
You whine so much, your friends have imposed a heightened pleading requirement on you.
Your momma's so fat, every step is a substantial step.
Your momma's so fat, she filed a class action law suit... on behalf of herself!
Your momma's so fat, judge said "order in the court" and she objected saying she hadn't heard the specials yet.
Your momma's so fat, she went to a movie and claimed every seat by adverse possession.
You consider tie-dying all of your t-shirts because they are already half covered in fluorescent ink from your highlighters.
You no longer have an ego left to bruise... it's already been beaten to a bloody pulp.
You chuckle at the irony that the designated shorthand for Statute of Limitations shares the same SOL abbreviation as the phrase "shit out-of luck."
You suddenly realize that you can type 120 WPM and you no longer know how to use a pencil.
Your friends and family start asking you for legal advice because they know you can't bill them.
You’re ready to strangle the next friend or relative to say jokingly "good thing you’re studying law I may need your help one day.”
You think Mrs Donoghue should have swallowed the fucking snail and saved us all the headache!
You never answer a question without saying "well, that depends on the specific facts of the case..."
You say "expressly" instead of "explicitly."
You have considered naming your future children A, B and C to simplify conveyances of property.
You are tempted to kill the next person who asks you what area of law you plan to focus on.
You’ve argued over a semicolon.
You have been asked for legal advice by people who foolishly assume that subjects stay in your head after the invigilator collects your exam paper.
You refer to well-known judges as if they were old friends.
You have experienced uncontrollable waves of anger at people relaxing in the sunshine.
You have passed all of your previous exams but still believe that "this time, I'm definitely fucked."
You come to hate it when people start referring to cases in general conversation.
You find that 50% of medics treat you worse than something on the sole of their shoes.
To help you fall asleep at night, you count U.C.C. Statutes.
You think Negligence and the 7 intentional torts is a fairy tale.
You just caught your girl/boy friend cheating on you and you're so glad you've memorized all the murder defenses.
You frequently use the phrase "but for" when explaining an occurrence.
You can't watch TV or Movies anymore without identifying causes of action by the main characters.
Your family and friends no longer wish to converse with you because you tell them their points are irrelevant and erroneous.
When you start to say something you didn't really want to say, you say "strike that" and continue on with the conversation like nothing has happened.
You know who Justice Cardozo is and deep down you really wish you were friends with him.
You no longer know how to have a laugh and when the joke is at your expense you threaten your friends with a lawsuit.
The friends you had before law school who did not attend law school with you can no longer have a normal conversation with you.
You cannot have a discussion with family without bringing up cases that are substantially similar to the topic at hand and thinking of causes of action for the problems that are being discussed.
You promise yourself each semester you'll be ahead of the suggested study timetable... and then wonder at the legal implications of the said promise.
When someone is breaking up with you, you find yourself arguing promissory estoppel.
You can actually discuss which High Court judges you like and don't like- as if you actually knew them personally.
You object before the characters in Boston Legal get a chance to and substantiate arguments with reference to case law.
If you wake up every morning and are disappointed that you did.
You now know more than you ever wanted about what stupid people do in their free time without watching Jackass.
The only briefs you have seen since law school started are the ones that come on 8 1/2 X 11.
You read the word "CLAIMS" when what is written is yummy "CLAMS."
You hate the fact that Scalia is so damn convincing.
You're sitting at a bar having lunch, and a guy old enough to be your father comes up to you, puts his hand on your shoulder, and tells the bartender to get you a drink - and your response is to start stating the elements of battery in your head.
You get pulled over by a cop for a traffic infraction, and you start arguing probable cause.
You pretend that the professor will read the assignments you write, and the professor pretends 'you' write your assignments.
Your threats now include, "I'm going to tort you!"
You think that your classes get in the way of you doing work.
You almost raise your hand to ask the professor a question about the Bar Exam, then realize, "oh yeah, my professor has never taken a Bar Exam."
You ask for a past exam paper & because the course is so new there isn't one. You then ask for hints of the 3 hour open book exam & you get - the whole unit is in there!
You count the number of unreasonable searches and seizures when you watch CSI.
You watch Judge Judy and take notes.
When the lightest textbook you own weighs in at about 2kg... and it's only for half a semester.
You compare and conversed about which highlighters are better.... and you strongly disagree with anyone who disagrees.
You've actually had a discussion with ANYONE about how far you have to retreat before getting into a fight in order to meet your "duty to retreat."
Right before getting in a fight at bar, you state loudly "I feel threatened by your actions" just to cover the self defense route.
You're talking with your friend and you try to compare a case you recently read to whatever it is that you're talking about.
You realize that everything you are being taught in Legal Writing bears absolutely no resemblance to what any law firm wants from your memos.
At 4:30 am after consecutive nights of minimal/no sleep, you find yourself calmly googling:" what are minimum hours of sleep to survive".
You think that everything you can't cram in the 5 hours preceding a test isn't worth ever learning.
You think that whoever produced that "Law School Musical" clip on youtube might have been stalking you and taking notes.
You constantly dream of cases, legislation and legal terminology.
You think 3 hours of sleep is luxurious; sleeping in means getting more than 4 hours of sleep; you find yourself turning to the Voodoo arts after your first LARW paper.
You spend your summer doing endless research work on useless cases that never go anywhere.
You think four hours is not enough time for a final exam.
You seriously consider naming your first child Learned.
You have a t-shirt that says, "Palsgraf was Robbed"
You might be in law school if people are asking you what they can do about their problem and actually expect you to have covered it yet.
You constantly warn your boyfriend that what he's doing might be considered "adequate provocation."
You spend more time searching for cases and making copies rather than doing the actual studying.
You consider changing careers to fixing copiers because you now know them inside and out.
You don't remember anything about a subject you wrote on yesterday because you cleared your mind for next 300 pages for tomorrow's test or you just plainly forgot.
You think every word has two meanings: one legal and one which is in the Dictionary.
You assume people walking in groups on campus making noise are not law students.
You hear Jordan Sparks singing and you think she's talking about intestate succession... "No heir, heir."
If you attempted to convince the registrar that you were entitled to in-state tuition by invoking the recently-learned rule that "citizenship is defined as physical presence in a state with the intent to stay there indefinitely."
You watch tragic events on television and wonder who has a causation, and who would be responsible.
You watch TV shows like Law & Order and call out the flaws in the DA's direct and cross examinations of the witnesses or otherwise critique the show for its inconsistency with actual law.
Your conversations usually end with "I rest my case."
You study 8 hours on a Sunday and think to yourself, "I'm glad I took it easy today."
You find yourself looking around the room in Torts, thinking "masturbation is really underrated."
Your Black Friday shopping consists of fighting over ear plugs in the library.
You think making 200k/year is peanuts.
You can spot negligence without batting an eye.
You start reading standard Terms and Conditions of credit card applications, disclosure forms from your medical service providers, warning tags of products you buy from CVS, etc. - for fun.
Retailers try to rip you off by not giving you a refund and then you cite the Trade Practices Act and then they give you your money back because they don't know what the hell the TPA is about.
You realize that the people who are constantly telling others about the length of their outlines or how many classes they've previously CALI-ed are the "hummer drivers" of law school.
Going to pee is your reward for outlining another chapter... and you drink lots of coffee while outlining to make the reward that much more pertinent.
You redeem Westlaw rewards points to do your holiday shopping.
Whenever you hear about a problem you wonder which test to apply and how many prongs it has.
While watching House, you start counting tort actions.
You watch legal drama and think it's all BS.
You name your dogs Gilbert and Emmanuel.
You require someone to meet the burden of persuasion before reaching summary judgment on a first date and sanction them if they fail in said burden.
Your Deans and faculty constantly warn you about the high number of lawyers who are alcoholics and you think to yourself "I can't trust a law student or lawyer who doesn't drink at least as much as I do."
You see someone crying while studying in the library, and, rather than trying to help, you think, "one down," and reevaluate you class ranking.
You wonder about the commerce clause implications of "Real California Dairy" commericials.
You are madly in love with and/or vehemently despise at least one current/former Supreme Court Justice.
You can't keep yourself from mentioning that, in every genetics gone mad horror movie you see, creating monsters should fall under strict liability doctrine.
You go into more debt to buy alcohol to forget about the debt you're already in.
You get confused and want to curl into a ball plug you ears every time someone uses the word "unconscionable" in a sentence.
Your spouse refuses to discuss things b/c they don't want to argue the "logical and reasonable" way.
Your favorite and least favorite writers have sat or are still sitting on the U.S. Supreme Court bench.
You get irritated that the library closes "early" (10 pm) on a Friday night.
All your friends suddenly start to think that you are too clever/smart because you are constantly using legal jargon, which by the way has become the common English language for you and your law school friends.
You can argue any topic for hours to convince others that you are right, even when you are wrong and you know for a fact that you are wrong.
You have recurring nightmares about the rule against perpetuities.
Every time you see someone die or be horribly injured in a bizarre accident, you think of poor Ms. Palsgraf and clumsy people with fireworks.
You've had a friend or family member call you asking what's the best way to handle a "bullshit parking ticket"... Then having to explain to that person why you haven't yet memorized the applicable laws for "bullshit parking tickets."
You can't watch an action movie without thinking of what crimes people have committed and what they can be charged with.
You laugh every time you think about how your civ pro teacher is teaching you the proper way to service someone.
You have vague memories of what it was like to be conversationally appropriate with friends and family, and being able to be amusing/entertaining is a distant dream like Blackacre. I can't even talk about how I used to be able to have a normal conversation without sounding like a law school geek.
You think "it's a substantal step" or "and then he restricted it to the facts of the case, and I was all, oh no he din't!" is a punchline.
You can't remember if it's okay to talk for 10 minutes straight to your non-law-school friends about your anxiety and exhaustion, so you do it anyway because it's all you have to say. Well, other than talking about what you're learning in school, and you've already discovered that they interrupt you or hang up if you do that. At least with the whining you get the guilt factor to keep them pretending to care.
You get upset with friends and family who think they can just google or wikipedia every legal subject you are spending relentless hours trying to master, and then the next topic in your readings... you try googlng it (you know, just to see).
You have to work really hard at suspending your disbelief in order to enjoy Law and Order.
You spend all your time and money in law school studying common law only to find out no jurisdiction uses common law.
You study Constitutional Law and realize how efficient bloody coups really are in governmental change.
You’re constantly on the alert for a government “taking.”
After taking Civil Procedure, you laugh at other people when they threaten to sue you.
You can’t wait to become a lawyer so you can forget how to write law school essays.
You still can’t properly pronounce “appurtenant” but you know it’s connected to something.
You know all the fancy terms for dirty sexual crimes.
Suicide always seems like a viable option.
Your Latin is getting better.
You are constantly on the run trying to avoid personal jurisdiction.
You write emails to your girlfriend using IRAC.
Now you understand why the meaning of "is" was such a big deal.
Your parents start telling you they don't care about what you learned in class.
You think going out once a month to the movies is an active social life.
You've some how talked yourself into thinking that its ok to live off of coffee and special K bars.
Financial Aid fails to disburse your loans on the set date and you start thinking whether this could amount to a breach of contract claim.
Anything remotely legal you might tell someone is quickly followed by "but this is not legal advice, to obtain an accurate assessment of the situation you should consult an attorney if you see fit."
You are so dry of sympathy you agree with the ruling for the bad guy.
You don't want to highlight your textbooks because you want to sell it once you completed that class for the maximum possible price. So that you can buy textbooks for your next class.
When friends and family members are telling you a story about how their day went and how they were wronged in some way, you can't help but ask questions to assist in your fact gathering which is necessary to determine whether they have a case. And all along, you are issue spotting and truly not hearing anything they said that does not fit within the elements that you must satisfy.
Your best friend tells you about her grandmother's death and you spend 5 minutes explaining to her that she has a valid cause of action against the hospital.
Your brain is eating your eyes to stop you from reading more cases.
When fighting with your boyfriend, you can't help but say that his behavior is not within the reasonable person standard of how not to be a jackass.
You're viewing the next 30 weeks of your trial practice class as an audition for the assistant district attorney who's teaching the class.
One of your professors gave you 130pgs of supplemental reading and honestly expects you to have a nice weekend.
You read the terms and conditions before you click on anything on the internet.
Instead of sitting out in the sun you spend your summer writing job applications.
You can no longer imagine your life without these four necessities - coffee, energy drink, gum and your text books.
You argue to your s.o. that she should not be so angry with you for the bad thing you did because it was due to your own negligence, and it is not as if you did it recklessly, knowingly or purposefully.
You want to sue the law school and/or a professor because you realize they are both the actual and proximate causation of your high stress levels.
You have ever responded to a joke relating to torts with..."your mom is a tort."
You're favourite sentence in the world is...'but ultimately, that's a matter for the jury to decide'.
You blindly accept that it is possible that a lecturer can agree with both your point and another student's point despite the fact that they are polar opposites.
You realize that you did not need to invest several thousand dollars to learn the answer to any and every legal question is simply... it depends.
You would name your kids Palsgraf, Miranda, or Pennoyer if you thought your spouse would agree.
In contrast to the prior 23 years of your life, you worry more about writing too much than writing too little.
You actually know multiple people with pets named Cardozo.
The word 'party' no longer has positive connotations.
You catch yourself trying to highlight the computer screen when you read something important.
You have a sly smile whenever you make a promise, knowing in your heart of hearts that due to lack of any consideration on the offeree's behalf (nor any alluding to such consideration by either party), and evidential lack of deed, your promise can in no way constitute a contract.
At 5am you think "I only have to remember another 500 pages by rote... then I might scrape a pass."
You no longer remember how to answer to your first name.
"Consideration" is no longer the thing you do on a Saturday night when choosing between bars.
In putting off studying, you become hopelessly addicted to watching every DVD of "The Simpsons" and notice how much they actually discuss the law, the Supreme Court, and other crap you were trying to get away from.
You actually considered finding someone else's piece of land and living on it until adverse possession kicks in.
You read the Piracy and Copyright warnings before a movie starts and analyze the possible gaps in them.
The first thing that comes to mind when a friend or family member talks about 'killing' (jokingly, mostly!) a friend or family member is that they better not dig the grave first...(R v Osland)
You sat in a kinkos debating whether to kill yourself or pay for the third reprint of that %$&#ing appellate brief.
You fear objective (multiple choice) and open book finals. Instead you wish to have essays exams for all your classes.
You interpret everything "she" says or does as a breach of contract or constitutes intentional infliction of emotional distress.
You can insert "heretofore" into everyday conversation.
A late night trip to 7eleven (for a caffeine or sugar kick) in the week before an exam counts as a social outing.
All you talk about is law, and even when people comment on that fact, you keep talking about law anyway!
People around you don't understand what you are talking about with your "fucking" law language.
Rather than using the phrase "in and out," you use the phrase "ingress and egress."
The e-mails from Amazon now recommend the latest Property Law textbook instead of the latest DVD release.
You don't like getting hit on at bars because it is too reminiscent of the Socratic Method.
You do extra curricula stuff like mooting just so you can get a free ticket out of class.
You actually read your 30 page reading assignment so you can procrastinate on reading your 40 page reading assignment, regardless of the actual subjects of the classes.
You have to read hundreds of pages, even on weekends, and if you miss one day's reading by saying "ah, i'll do it later" you regret it for the rest of your life.
You can't justify spending a couple of hours with friends or family, but frequently lose whole days of studying while recovering from a hangover.
You've died a little inside watching the sun go down from inside the library when you've been there since it opened.
You're surrounded by a bunch of drunks, drug addicts, assholes, and lunatics, but you're not in prison... although it seems like it.
You no longer "stop" at traffic lights; you are now "estopped" by that traffic light.
You thought the joke that someone was trespassing your chattels was so witty your first semester, but now want to shoot anyone who makes the joke.
You've used the pick-up line "Hey, I'm a validating life, would you like to vest your future interest?"
You have pizza delivered to the law school library.
You try to convince a postal worker that you can sign for somebody else's package because you have 'apparent authority'.
You try and convince an interstate public transport official to give you a discounted student fare, because otherwise he would be discriminating against you on the basis of your state of origin.
You can't watch Law and Order without:
1. noticing how many leading questions the lawyers ask their witnesses
2. being critical of how the police never have any hard evidence, but only win the case by 'psycho-analysing' the suspect out of court until they make a surprise and extremely unlikely oral confession, which is not admissible in court anyway!
Every word in your notes is written in acronyms that only you understand: The UN GA and the SC and the SEC and the ICJ are the main ones. Then you have friends that ask you why you are talking about Georgia and South Carolina and the Securities Commission.
The movie The Firm is now a horror movie.
You asked the librarian if a flask was an acceptable container in the library.
You hear the word that sounds like "eye-rack" and you don't think of the Middle East anymore.
You're taking Bankruptcy in hopes of finding a loophole to avoid repaying your law school loans.
When people ask you what you are studying, you get sick satisfaction from the impressed look on their face, if only to distract yourself for a second from the urge to chew through your own wrists.
You are now getting phone calls from random friends (and their friends) asking "Hey, dude, did you take DUI law?"
You fear that someone will break a tooth on the chocolate chip cookies you baked and gave as gifts... and if so, can they sue you?
You know the exact ratio of coffee to alcohol that allows you to study effectively, but still get to sleep.
The only question that people ever ask you is "How's law school?"
You know exactly what to do if caught driving drunk, and have explained it to all your friends.
You think back to your childhood and think of how lucky you were that there wasn't a lawyer around for all the stupid promises you made and flaked on.
Anytime anybody says "I promise..." you analyze whether their promise will be legally enforceable.
You drunkenly threaten any bouncer who ejects you from a nightclub with legal action.
You think sitting through a Constitutional Law class is strangely similar to an acid trip.
You constantly find yourself saying things like "I just have to get to spring break" or "I just have to get through Step 1."
You can't remember if Pierson or Post caught the fox but remember that the beach was unowned and that if the fox had been wearing a vest, it would've already been a possession.
You're convinced the entire last year of law school serves no purpose except to give you time to find a job and boost the school's employment numbers.
You've actually thought about sex in terms of offer, acceptance, and consideration.
You now recognize that Scalia is probably the funniest motherfucker to ever grace the Supreme Court, if not the entire world.
You get pulled over for doing 15 mph over the speed limit, and when you're in court fighting the ticket, the judge finds out who your contracts professor is, says, "well, you've certainly been punished enough" and lets you go scott free!
All your non-law school friends and your family want to kick you for correcting their use of the terms assault and battery.
Friend/Family: "They assaulted him."
You: "Did they actually touch him?"
Friend/Family: "Yeah, they beat him up."
You: "Actually, if they touched him it was a battery and not an assault."
Friend/Family: (Glaring at you) "Whatever!"
You find yourself praying for painful illnesses like mono or strep, just so you can skip class and have a legitimate excuse. And feel less bad about the reading you aren't doing.
You get excited about going shopping... for highlighter pens.
You wonder if faking it during sex is fraudulent misrepresentation.
Your books require a Black card to buy, a strongman to lift, a coffee to open, and a JD to understand.
You drive past a sign that reads 'Bournemouth Battery Centre' and begin to wonder why anyone would run a centre of intentional unconsented harmful contact.
You find yourself using words like "culpability" about the guy who stole your sandwich and the phrase "I mean, I don't want to default on a contractual obligation" when you owe a friend $5.
You can't remember simple English anymore. You stop in the middle of sentences because you realize you don't know anymore words that are actually in the dictionary.
Instead of simply answering "No, I don't want to... (do whatever)", which would have sufficed, you launch into the possible tort actions that could arise if you were to do that.
You decide to go to trivia night at the local bar and you name your team "Strict Scrutiny."
The right side of your body goes numb, your doctor sends you to get an MRI to see if you A) have MS or B) a brain tumor, and when it comes out clean your doctor says "that's right, you're a law student, it must just be stress".
You know that what Matlock does would never be allowed in federal court, yet you are still too afraid to tell elderly people that.
You have developed two chemical dependencies: you need caffine to stay awake and alcohol to go to sleep.
The thing that gets you most pissed is when someone sits in your carrell in the library.
You know why you don't care that you don't understand the Erie Doctrine.
After finishing Intentional Torts you and your friends constantly threaten action for assault and/or battery against each other.
You are of the firm belief that complicated multi-faceted questions should not, under any circumstances, be asked 30 seconds before a class ends!
You get physically and emotionally upset when Word gives you the red squiggley everytime you type "privity."
While taking first year torts, you considered suing the school for intentional infliction of emotional distress.
You are still trying to figure out how to sue the school for promissory estoppel because it is not how it looked in the brochure.
You've actually read your entire rental agreement, understood it, and then been incensed because it's unfair.
You think a paper with only 100 footnotes is "insubstantial."
You happily spend thousands and thousands of dollars at the bars over three years, and then bitch and moan about spending 600 dollars on the actual bar exam.
Your parents won't watch Law and Order with you any more because you keep yelling "GET COUNSEL!" at the suspects.
When having a playfight with a younger sibling, instead of saying 'he started it' you plead provocation and in default, put forward a plea in mitigation.
You suddenly realize what criminals your friends and family really are... and they expect you to bail them out of it.
The first thing you do when you sign onto gchat is "go off the record" for fear of anything you say being used against you later.
You've added approximately 100 words or more to Microsoft Word's dictionary because it does not have words like "estop" or "usufructory."
You've learned that getting a good outline from an upperclassmate is worth giving up your first born.
Someone refers to "the F-word" and the first words that come to mind are frivious, feasible, or forum shopping.
Instead of posters or wallpaper, your walls outline the Fed. R. Civ. P.
There are no longer different places in the world, there are only jurisdictions.
You now actually know people who are PASSIONATE about easements - and you're no longer surprised.
You watched that Grey's Anatomy episode where the chick burned her hand so that she wouldn't have to take the bar... and you thought, not a bad idea...
You think there should be a Law and Order spinoff called "Law and Order: Reversed on Appeal." "In the criminal justice system, sometimes the police and district attorneys just get it wrong. And when they do, cases are appealed to the New York State Court of Appeal. These are their stories. Thunk-thunk"
While watching General Hospital to decompress after a long day of involved, complicated legal issues, you wind up yelling at the television because you know that NO state's intestacy laws would allow the estate of a woman who died without a will to go to her charitable foundation when she is survived by both her infant son and her mother.
You know that 'negligence' is not synonymous with 'carelessness.'
You know a 'money back guarantee offer' has very little chance of constituting an 'offer'!
You go crazy when S.CT. Justices rely on/distinguish5-4 opinions as "the law" to justify their opinion when they dissented in that opinion! or, when judges make up law, and then rely on that law in later opinions, dismissing the trial judge as "wrong" for deciding the case the way they did. or, even worse when an appellate judge creates new law, and then dismisses the trial judge's opinion as "wrong" when the trial judge followed the law as it was when the case was before them!
You feel like lying to people about what you're in school for, so you don't get another question about legal advice.
You've ever won a game of beer pong and gloated, "I TOTALLY owned you. I could pass title to you to my antecedents in fee simple absolute. That's right, bitch, you're REAL property."
When you want a break from studying finals, you switch to the next outline or try a Cali lesson... there are no breaks.
You are debating issuing a rent check to your landlord for the month of May with "payment in full" in the memo line to avoid paying the summer rent . . . and thanks to your Negotiable Instruments class you know the relevant UCC sections to back you up. Further, you draft a letter to send with the check citing the statutes that obligate her to give you the interest on your damage deposit.
When someone goes on a tangent during an argument, you actually shout "OBJECTION! Relevance?"
When someone says something you agree with you have to fight the urge to say "I concur."
"Cali" no longer brings images of beaches and surfers to your mind, but rather being told by a library employee that it is 1 a.m. and no matter how imminent your final is, the library is very closed.
"I'm not going to test on this" are the 7 most relaxing words in the English language.
You claim to only read the Constitution for the articles.
You know for a fact any homicide committed now would be justifiable under extreme emotional stress.
Someone tells you that "law school can't really be that bad" right before your third final and you wonder if the judge would take pity on you for beating the shit out of them.
Learned Hand becomes a new euphamism for ass-hole.
You can talk dirty using statutory references.
You find yourself requesting a written consent form from your bar hookup.
You go to bed as the sun comes up one day and then go to bed before the sun goes down on another and it takes you a serious mind wrenching 2-5 minutes in the morning to figure out whether to write april or august as the date on your paper.
When you say 'I do mooting', your friends give you a look of horror instead of one of blankness.
A friend pretends to punch you and you think it's funny to say "you're assualting me b/c i'm in imminent apprehension of harm!"
You've begun to view outlining Civ Pro as a "break" from studying for finals because it doesn't make you want to kill yourself like Crim and Contracts do.
You're markedly disappointed Microsoft Outlook's Calendar doesn't divide the day into six-minute increments.
You've begun to think that celibacy isn't so bad and start looking for Catholic religious orders which might be willing to pay off your law school debt.
You get confused/annoyed/offended when lay people ask you, "other than finals, how is life?"
You start discussing High Court Justices like you discuss professional sportsmen.
You snap your pen whenever an undergrad complains about their 5 page literary analysis paper.
You have actually been moved to violence when someone has said "20 pages can't be that hard to write."
Your last final ends and all you can think about is that first sip of beer.
You catch yourself saying things like "Give me back my chattels, bitch!"
The first thing that comes to mind after you win your mooting competition is not 'yay, I won!' but 'yay, I get to sleep again!'
You start making bad sexual innuendos all the time: "I'm going to adversly possess you," "You can have jurisdiction over MY person any day."
When you see potential students taking tours you actually have to control the urge to run after them and tell them to get out while they still can.
When you get mad and want to assault someone, you first think of all the ways that you can get away with it or defenses you'll use if you get caught.
You wonder why you need to go into such detail about equitable leases and Leasehold reform when will you inevitably spend the next two years of your training contract paginating and photcopying.
You're at a party. A friend's passed out on the couch. Your beer supply runs out. You declare that friend's barely touched 6 pack of beer to be abandoned property, hence justifying the taking thereof in the name of eminent alcoholism.
When you see a used car sales man on tv you wonder if it's an offer or an invitation to an offer.
You realize that there are several million happy people in this country that do not have to give a SHIT about Pennoyer v Neff.
After taking Research and Writing, you critisize everybody's sentence structure.
You've ever spent hours searching and you find the perfect case, only to have Lexis give you a damn red stop sign.
You've had a nightmare because the deed to your parents house was a quitclaim and you're worried about the future covenants.
You look back at the intentional torts, offer and acceptance, and adverse possession as the "good old days."
You have discovered that Arbitrary and Capricious really only apply to your grades.
when accepting money from friends to buy concert tickets you seriously consider the implied trust conditions.
You are endlessly amused by establishments which believe they can "reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."
You have actually had to spend over an hour arguing over the legal significance of the word "chicken" in a contract.
"Erie" refers to neither a Canal nor a Lake.
You call someone you'd regret the next morning "an attractive nuisance."
You read the fine print of every ad to determine whether an offer was made.
You can read a Supreme Court opinion and, when given the year, determine exactly who authored it.
You know the existential and metaphysical differences between legal impossibility and factual impossibility.
You know that a brief rarely is.
You fully believe that your Contracts professor was just as evil as Kingsfeld.
You have made multiple puns about a person's "mandamus".
Torts are no longer a yummy chocolatey desert to you.
You will go to anything just to get free lunch.
People dress up like cases for Halloween.
You end arguments in your everyday life by saying "No further questions!"
Your major concession to company coming over is putting on your nice jammies.
You have considered being a land pirate for Halloween.
You manage to fit 60 hours into one day but still don't know the difference between a justification and an excuse but you're almost pretty sure neither would work if you assault the crim. prof.
You can turn The Bluebook into verb and adjective form.
The first time you get angry with somebody the first thing you think is "will the Bar Association let me sit for the bar if I get arrested for hitting this guy?"
You search LexisNexis public records for negligence and medical malpractice cases when choosing a doctor.
You pay the school thousands of dollars a semester to feel stupid every day of your life, and then keep going back for more.
You use "self availment to the jurisdiction of drunken men" to describe the phenomenon that occurs when a single female is caught for a moment alone at a bar.
You justify missing class because you weren't prepared and also justify missing class because you were prepared.
ALL of your current friends are also in law school because your former friends can no longer stand to be around you as a result of law school consuming your life.
You're having exciting dreams involving Remainderman/Remainderwoman.
You became a law student because you watched Boston Legal, soon realising its not all about inter-office sex and whitty punch lines and sayings.
You are overjoyed when you contract laryngitis because it gives you a legitimate, foolproof way not to have to participate in the Socratic method.
Everyone thinks you do nothing but smoke weed all day when your eyes are bloodshot and half-open because you went to class all morning and afternoon and then studied for 7 hours. (And then smoked some weed.)
You can't wait to be illegally searched by the police, just so you can point out all of their constitutional errors.
At first you hated the thought of a single exam that determines your whole grade, but now you cringe at the thought of turning in homework, quizzes, and the like.
You try to explain the back story behind funny legal stories. I.E. the Mcdonald's coffee case was not so much about the stupidity of the women then the mal-functioing coffee pot at Micky D's.
You tell friends who flake out on plans that they had legally accepted your offer to do something.
You tell people who try to change the plans on something you invited them to that they cannot do that because you set the conditions as master of the offer.
You pay a lot more attention to the "reasonable, objective person" than you pay to your significant other.
You cite case law when arguing with friends.
You actually start to read every contract before signing it, but about a quarter of the way through it you notice a very long line has formed behind you, so you turn red and quickly just sign it.
You used to have to BS the last four pages of a six-page paper in undergrad, but you now have to find a way to cut down your 32-page memo to only 20 pages... in the next 45 minutes... while somehow fitting in two more TRRACs.
The idea of a soft cover book is novel and thrilling.
You use bags with wheels for something other than airline travel.
You love the hand formula so much that it feels like getting a hand job everytime you use it.
You know the difference between substantive and procedural sex.
Everytime there is unnecessary roughness during a football game, you yell out, "Get him, ref! That was intentional! (at the player) Charge his ass with battery!
If you find something on the ground of value, and say out loud, "I just acquired this property through the Rule of Find!"
You haven't turned on the T.V. or checked the news for over a week.
You think that when someone says they are going out to get "as high as a Georgia pine" is hilarious but it would take 20 minutes to explain to someone who didn't read the case.
A good day is a day you don't cry before noon.
You're reading a law review article about electronic agents (computers automatically making orders to replenish inventory) and you're wondering if electronic agents can go on frolics of their own.
You know a guy who has turned the fact that he's working as an unpaid intern at a solo practice that mainly handles DUI's into a competition over who has the cooler summer job.
You start referring to exes and the mother-in-law as "substantial and unjustifiable risks."
The first thing you want to do after the Bar Exam is violate the Rule Against Perpetuities, because it just violated you.
You send out so many letters during articles (job) application time that logging companies erect a statue of you.
You have saved someone via AIM from getting their ass kicked by the SOCRATIC method!
You have four empty black cartridges next to your printer and print all your notes and outlines in color.
You would willingly sign up for slave labor a.k.a. unpaid journal editing on law review. In fact, you would kill for the opportunity.
Your landlord tries to raise the rent, and you raise a few uncomfortable questions about the warranty of habitability and certain permit violations... and then re-read your lease. Now understanding all the rights you have effectively signed away, that bottle of bourbon looks very attractive.
The words "we deny liability for any injury howsoever caused..." make you laugh because of their futility.
I'll end this with a quick joke I found on Facebook while I was digging for material:
So, my torts prof made us elect a reasonable person for our class. Unfortunately, we weren't allowed to elect anyone from actually within the class because the last time she did that the person ended up dropping out.
