Use of these lines could get you beaten, shot, killed, deported, etc., so use extreme caution if you're dumb enough to try them.
This section was last updated 9/29/2007.
[a few new lines I found on my friend Nichole's Facebook profile]
Hey somebody farted... let's get out of here.
Hi. I would like to award you the (whatever beer we're drinking) award for looking so good. Now if you will give me your name, number, and other vital statistics, I would like to enter you in our grand prize drawing for an all-expense paid date with me.
You must be a magnet because it looks like you are attracted to my buns of steel.
I've just received government funding for a 4 hour expedition to find your G-spot.
(Quagmire from The Family Guy) Hey, either of you ever been penetrated?
Pick-up lines for my fellow AD&D geeks: Let me show you what an 18 dexterity really means!
Hey baby, my THAC0's a 2!
Bits make bytes, but nibbles turn me on.
Nothing says, "I love you," better than six hours of nonstop sex.
A curved line is the loveliest distance between two points.
Hey, didn't we go to different high schools?
A fool and his money are soon my boyfriend.
What winks and screws like a tiger? (wink when she doesn't know)
If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
There's a party at your ankles, why don't you invite your pants down?
True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one that I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.
Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me?
Be unique and different, say yes.
If you and I were squirrils, could I bust a nut in your hole?
I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feedbag.
If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!
You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
Can I touch your belly.... from the inside?
How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Guy: I have a magic watch that tells me you aren't wearing any panties.
Girl: But I AM wearing panties.
Guy: Oh, it must be an hour fast.
I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.
I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen one?
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Super drug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
Oh I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
You may not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning.
(Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not going to suck itself.
Hey there, I can't help but notice that I've been staring at you for the past 20 minutes.
I only have 3 months to live....
Excuse me maam, is that dress felt? Do you want it to be?
Are you looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now?
Excuse me, I'm about to go masturbate and need a name to go with the face.
Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?
Go up to a girl in a bar or at a dance and say: Do you want a f*ck.... (pause while gauging her reaction) ....ing drink?
You know what I like about you? My arms.
As long as I have a face, you'll always have a place to sit.
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
Are you alone here or am I going to have to kill someone to win your affection?
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars?
Woman (sheepishly): Yes.
Well then would you sleep with me for 20 cents?
Woman: What kind of woman do you think I am?
We've established what kind of woman you are, we're just haggling over the price.
Brrr, my hands are cold. Can I warm them up in your heaving breasts?
Your legs look cold. Do you want me to warm them up?
(Walk into her chest) If they weren't sooo large, it wouldn't have happened.
You're so beautiful that I would crawl on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.
Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?
You are just truely absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?
Hey baby, I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
That's a really nice smile you've got, to bad it's not the only thing you're wearing.
My friend and I have a bet that you won't take off your blouse in a public place.
Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice mellons!
If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning.
Your warm eyes melt the iciness of my heart.
(at church during a sermon)(put arm around your gal) Honey, I don't know where he is.... (motioning to preacher) But I do know I'm here with you.
I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.
I heard about someone that used to hand out phone cards that said, "Smile if you want to sleep with me," and watch them try to hold back their laughter.
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
Wanna f*ck like bunnies?
Would you like gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I'll guess how much you weigh.
Do you know the essential difference between conversation and sex? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk?
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate, I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasized about you?
If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?
Cold out, isn't it? (staring at breasts)
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
I know a great way to burn off the 300 calories in that pastry you just ate.
Wow, are those real?
Hey babe, wanna know an easy way to make 50 bucks?
I'd love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone already beat me to it.
I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.
(leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.
Nice tits. Mind if I feel them?
You've got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or pink?
Hey babe.... do you realive my mouth can generate or 750 psi?
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?
(I don't know.) 'Cause they're mine, baby."
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Excuse me. Do you want to f*ck or should I apologize?
Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?
Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Go up to someone (in a building or somewhere where there are a lot of people) and say, "There is a phone call for you." When asked who it is, say, "I don't know, but they asked to speak to the best looking guy/girl in the room."
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Excuse me, I think you have something of mine. My heart!!
Excuse me, sweetie...but do you have a license to drive me this CrAzY?
Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!
Am I a light switch? Because you have been turning me on all day!
Hey, baby. If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
Hey baby, why don't you sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that POPS up!!!
(motion for girl to come here with one finger), "If I can make you come with this finger, imagine what I could do with all five!"
Nice shoes, wanna fu*k?
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Fu*k me if I'm wrong....but haven't we met before?
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
Baby, do you have a mirror in your pocket? I can practically see myself in your pants!
I may not be Fred Flintstone but I sure can make your bed rock.
Ya know, that shirt is very becoming on you......of course, if I was on you, I'd be cumming too.
The word of the day is LEGS, so let's go to my house and spread the word.
The only place I want to go is south of the border.
Hey you want to know what I heard about you? Fu*k me and I'll tell you.
Why don't you come over and we can do math in the bed; add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and I'll multiply.
Mmmmmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible"
Excuse me miss, do you give head to strangers? (No) Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
They call me Milk, because I do your body good.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Hi, do you want to have children? (assuming the answer is no) Ok then, can we just practice?
You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
They say the best things in life are free.... they lied( but I do accept American Express)
You can feel the magic between us......No, lower!
You're on my mind this Valentine's Day.....I'd prefer you on my bed.
This Valentine's Day I want you to know that I'm
head-over-heels for you....and I know some other positions too.
I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
You have 250 bones in your body, want another?
If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
Hey baby, can i tickle your belly from the inside?
Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
Yo baby, I bust more nuts than a squirrel
Hunny do you wanna su*k it before the volcano explodes?
Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who could introduce us.
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
Can I have a picture? I want Santa Claus to know exactly what to get me for Christmas.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Is your dad a thief? ("No.") Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say yes)
You're so hot, you melt the elastic in my underwear.
Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on my beadroom floor.
My name's (state your name). That's so you know what to scream.
What do you say we go out for a pizza and a f*ck? ("No.") You don't like pizza?
Your dad must've been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
All those curves, and me with no brakes!
(grab his/her @$$) Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
Say, that's a nice (article of clothing). Could I talk you out of it?
My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.
I'll bet you $10 I could get all your clothes off in 30 seconds.
Forget that, playing doctor is for kids. Lets play gynecologist.
Is it cold outside, or are you smuggling Tic-Tacs?
Do you want to see something swell?
Hi, I'm conducting a feel test of how many women have pierced nipples.
If you have any good ones that aren't one here, send them to me!
